We spoke yesterday, about how every time you come online and I am here, I am instantly excited, happy, overwhelmed with desire. At first I told you I felt like it likened me to a golden retriever or the like, but then I took time to really think about this for a moment. It's not quite that.... for me, every time you come online and I am already here, my mind rekindles several moments, feelings and sensations. if I close my eyes now I can relive them yet again, so that's what I'll do, I'll close my eyes and just type, reliving those moments for you.... because for some profound reason.... I just really want you to see what I see, know what I think and feel in those first thirty seconds before I even message you to say hello.
- First is a scene of a girl chained and on her knee's in a basement. Though she played standoffish, refusing to acknowledge; the truth is that she was scared she would be left alone yet again. To afraid to let go and just feel. Days, maybe a week later.... pulled across your lap for the very first time, thighs straddled your waist and though this could be described as lewd in so many ways... it was a melting point. The opening of those thighs even in a non sexual way was the slip of when you'd first eased your way into my heart. To be joined so tightly to you, to feel the very first claim of your lips upon my own, your fingers stroked my neck, newly encased in the collar you allowed me to wear. Up to this point, it had been in my head, a collar that another girl had worn, though whether that was true or not I'll never know..... that point has ceased to have any meaning to me now. The inscription inside the black metal, the word that touches the sleek column of my throat.... do you remember what you told me it said? Admittedly I had forgotten at some point in this past year, but oddly when I was able to come back online again, the memory was clear as day and I know what it says, as if that evening a year ago was just yesterday.
This scene is the first to come to mind, it plays over in a matter of seconds, rolling into the second most prominent thing that always pops to mind.
Second..... this is a mish mash. a couple of things that has themselves together, cause my breath to hitch just a little behind the scenes. You strapping a belt upon me, over my hips. I won't go into the particulars of what kind of belt, only that it was made of black leather. I'm sure you know the one I mean. The intimacy and practicality of the act are at such stark contrasts. Of all the spoken and unspoken, it was a moment of trust and understanding between us, a time to show you my total devotion by listening, doing and following. I questioned nothing, I still don't and I have a feeling I never will. We traveled, it was a different experience to be sure and this is where the mish mash comes in..... Because the timing sequence is bits and pieces from all over the place. A series of sexual scenes come to mind.
- Laughing, so hard tears come to my eyes as you stormed Normandy and we took down Pearl Harbor as well as a few Trekkie Starships. It was so intense.... yet funny at the same time. I have no idea how it could be intense but it was.
- My back up against the bark of a tree, your fingers ringed closed around the front of my collar and me.. in real life so glued to the screen that my roast I was cooking in real life went fifteen minutes over what it should have. It was still edible, still very delicious... but you know me. I time things for my family so that they are in a state of perfection.
-Next comes back a bit, to when I finally ate a piece of meat from the toe of your boot in that basement, Or maybe it was bread; but for some reason I keep thinking there was gravy and my tongue lavished at that? While this alone may not seem sexual or in the least to you.... It was a moment of utter awakening sexuality to me. Just as it was when we were up in that yard and you pulled me into your lap that first time and I begged to kiss you.
- This may not make sense.... but the time I was having a really bad day.. I asked you to type something to make me feel. You blew me away. kissed me so profoundly, pulling me up by that collar about my throat, from that place where I was on my knees at your feet where I am just about every day even though real life has us off doing much other things, saving the world of pizza eaters and technically challenged in one swoop.
- Finding a way to be there, to be online when you sparred. Though I could say and do little if anything. It was a tremendous rush to be there, to be in the stands watching you, for people to see you there and to see the man that owned me. To see me there too and to know how much I utterly belonged to you. A totality of a slave so in need to be owned by this one man more then anything she's ever known in near a decade of Gor. It had my breath catching in my throat, if I could of I would have begged to be used right then after it all.
-Last but not least..... admitting to you I had grown to love you in my weird cyber land way..... I was so scared, so nervous you would reject me. This was a moment of the heart.... but as such things have a profound effect, I remember clearly that my panties were wet at the same time. Something about the fear mixed in with the admittance.
These are the things I always get in those first 30 seconds.... sometimes more, never less. Just the thoughts that flash into mind, just the tid bits every time when I'm already here and happen to catch you log online. it's such a rush of welling emotion in that moment, that it must be the reason why I get so excited, so hyper and happy to see you. At least that's the only reason I can come up with to ration out the -why- I get so excited. women, no one can claim we're rational creatures all the time, right?
I'm not perfect.... but I've seen enough of those perfect girls to know they never really last anyway. Burning out both themselves and their owners within a matter of months. it's now officially been over a year and I'd never take a moment of it back. Not a single one. This has been such an incredible journey for me and I hope for you as well. You are an inspiration to me; and even though I'm pretty good at keeping both feet on the ground.... I'm glad I have my moments with you, where in those few minutes or hours I can just let go. Maybe one day I'll let go of my insecurities, heck with your help just maybe I will.
